This post has arisen as this line seems to be plaguing me. You hear it and it immediately is perceived as a negative comment. Why can’t you find a man? There’s plenty, do you mean you can’t keep a man?
I think I use this line also, except I have tailored it for my use, “I don’t want a man” (not that I’m looking). The difficulty of finding one has altered the wording and need for one. As per usual I’ve veered off track. As women we immediately list what we want in a man, you have to remember we are not simple beings. Men seem to have an almost generic vision of the woman they want to settle down with; pretty, let’s him play games, watch footy and chill with the lads, can cook, clean and look after him and his children. I can imagine a couple guys out there screaming that I’ve forgotten something.. Good sex? Lady in the streets but a freak in the bed?
It’s not that simple for females, we’re emotionally involved, we envelope ourselves in our fantasy fairytale happy endings. We imagine our favourite celebrity, 6 pac, muscles, someone who will pass on those good genes to our future children, a man who appreciates our worth, ambitious, caring, thoughtful, willing to embrace our dreams, etc. So as I was considering my checklist I got to thinking, am I looking at the wrong aspects when looking for a man?
I began to question myself, thought about how I am in a relationship rather than how I want my partner to be. In all honesty we need someone who can accommodate our behaviours, bypass the bad habits and help us better ourselves so why are we forever seeking the qualities we think they need in comparison to the qualities they need in order to handle or tolerate us.
I’ll use myself as a guinea pig for this theory. I’m sure you have all seen me coin the term “do not demand standards which you are unable to uphold yourself”, so when regarding my checklist I like to believe that I take this into consideration.
– Good looking
– Can cook & clean (I want to feel secure if I have to leave my children with my man for a lengthy period of time)
– Fit (I’m trying to be fit and healthy he better be helping not asking me to pick up McDonalds on the way home from the Gym)
– Strong (don’t watch why this is my preference)
– Encourages me to seek my dreams
– Family man
Now in reference to my relationship behaviours
– I’m 5″6/5″7 so I guess tall is over 6 feet for me
– I ain’t a model and will not pretend to be one, everyone that knows me knows I do not feel in any way uncomfortable to throw on my house clothes and head tie in front of the male species, may even take my weave out in front of you because I’m not ashamed of my natural hair. Also I can’t deal with guys who look better than me, I am not impressed by a man who takes more pride in himself than a female
– I like to think that I am ambitious but I have been known to forget my way temporarily because I become wrapped up in a partner
– Can definitely cook and clean, mum instilled that in me from early
– In terms of fitness I’m trying, I’ve never tackled this mission in a relationship so I can’t comment
– I throw my all into relationships so in terms of encouraging my partner to pursue their dreams I become a ride or die but in relation to my earlier statement about ambition I tend to put my partner before me.
– I’m family orientated, couldn’t be in a relationship where a mother or father in law dislike me
– I like a man to be dominant as it’s slightly emasculating if he is not, also with my personality I would walk all over him, but at the same time I like the feeling of control and power. I’ve always said that the guy I end up with should know that all he has to do to keep me happy is let me believe I wear the trousers in the relationship sometimes.
– I like to debate, I like to successfully articulate myself, I like to banter.. I need a man who can challenge me, I don’t want to be able to shut him down in every confrontation.
So reading this back it’s not too far off but it’s clear to see there are some contradictions in my checklist as they don’t necessarily pair up with who I need to accommodate my behaviour. Ladies forgive me as this was really long winded, all I wanted to say was it is not hard to find a man, there are too many of them, but it may be difficult to find what we are looking for as it is not what we need. We see what the slow jams and love movies tell us is a perfect relationship, we watch Disney & assume we will live out our very own Aladdin movie. There is no such thing as perfect and we all have different desires, needs and wants. I refuse to believe I’m the only female who has not regarded her behaviour in a relationship when drawing up her dream man. This is a whole other blog post which I may save for a later date, but females you may have already met the guy who could have fulfilled your fantasy but your approach or behaviours could cause him to act differently towards you e.g. A promiscuous female falling in love with a guy with all the attributes but he refuses to take her seriously as he cannot see past her old ways or even how she deals with him. Basically we need to tackle our own demons first girls before we demand the world.
PS Caribbean weekender was tun up although my phone has now gone missing (into someone’s pocket I’m guessing). I’m guessing you can see the pain in my pic above lol.