I recently saw a meme which mocked women who claim they have a man yet are financially supporting him, lending him her car, feeding him, clothing him, etc. and refers to the fact that if you are doing all of these things you do not have a man, you have a child. A dependant.
Society tried to portray the male as the breadwinner, as the glue which holds a household together, the reliant, the king on the throne ruling his kingdom, etc. Time has now altered this view, society has become lenient. It is now common to see males (waste men) doing nought whilst their female counterpart is out working and making the money. I don’t refer to these males as waste men due to their unemployment, that’s part of it though unless you have a good reason you have no shame in your game, but more for the fact of them relying on their partner. I don’t even agree when I see a female relying on their partner. I do not think it is healthy and it leads people to become insecure in themselves and accept a lot of bullshit in fear of losing their crutch which they lean on.
I do not want to turn this into a gender issue, no gender is worse off in the situation. It is easy to overlook the women who are dependant because that is what we are “supposed” to be. We’re meant to need a man, need his finances, need him in order to carry, birth and raise his children and need him to love us. Females have become so accustomed to this that this is what we chase in terms of the future, instead of picturing the company we want to work for, or the office we will be sitting in as a CEO, we envision marriage with our dream financier, in our big house and children. Who am I to say whether this is right or wrong?
Personally, I never want to be dependent or even be a reliant in reference to a partner. I don’t ever want to feel as though I would be unable to cope without my partner. I want to imagine us being in the relationship for the rest of our lives together because I love that man and it is my choice to want to be with him in comparison to needing him. Dependency has the power to blur the lines, gives someone false beliefs, believing that they are in love when really their insecurities of being without that reliant are far worse than putting up with any shit which occurs in the relationship.
Where is your growth? Does this behaviour not make you feel like a child again? Unable to stand on your own two, yet not doing anything to change the fact, sinking deeper into the pattern, soon needing that person to think for you.
Financial dependency seems to be more common in males nowadays or as I’ve noted earlier, it is expected of women, so maybe it is more shocking and attracts more attention when it’s a male, but a more common form is down to insecurities. The fear of never securing another relationship, the fear of never securing someone who accepts your flaws and chooses to be with you regardless, the fear of losing your child’s father or mother and having a broken home, the fear of trying to prove your closest’s opinions on your partner wrong, the fear of accepting that your feelings are not reciprocated. Take note that not once did I mention love, not to say that love cannot be the reason someone is dependant.
This has arisen because I’ve seen 20 year odd relationships ending but leaving one of the two involved lost. Not knowing how they are going to survive without their partner and what they have offered and given them over the years. Wondering how they can achieve the same. Some may argue that these people are lost because they have lost love but it doesn’t appear that the love is deemed the most important factor at the mention of the the break up. Who is going to spoil me? All these things my partner did for me I cannot do for myself how will I get through without them?
Bitch dependency.. I’m trying to mature and grow, I refuse to revert back to a child like mind state because I am comfortable with being lazy and not doing things for myself. It’s nice if someone does something for you but to fall at the hurdle if you want to do it yourself is not healthy. To not be capable of doing it for yourself is not healthy. Reliant’s, cut the apron strings, it may feel somewhat satisfying to know that someone is unable to live without you but in reality the quality is not attractive. Being scared to leave your partner because you are unsure of how they will take it and what action they will take. Is this life?