I wrote this post about two months ago. I can admit that it’s unfinished but in all honesty I didn’t want to add anything (writers rights). It’s ended up just sitting in my notes gathering dust, so I’ve decided to share. Again guys and dolls remember it’s unfinished. I aim to put at least 2 more posts up today to make up for it.
If you haven’t noticed the impact social networking has had on society, as a whole, you have fallen victim to it. In fact you are probably a main culprit when it comes to displaying the signs of a social networking victim. The platform has adapted this generation’s ideas in regards to what holds importance. It has also placed a huge emphasis on imagery.
Linking back to imagery, insta is all about photos. What were meant to be photos of what the individual users are interested in or what they want to share, has now become, what they feel would be widely glorified and prove impressive to the masses. Imagery at its worse, I say at its worse because it seems as though none of it is true. It’s an alternate world where everything is perfect, it has to be perfect because everyone now finds joy in ridicule and humiliation. If you don’t fit the profile you won’t receive likes.
Females, here’s the key to being successful on Instagram. Firstly, you need to get undressed, yes, you need to be half naked. It’s the easiest way to capture any attention, also try to accentuate your best assets, pose with your bum at an angle so it looks bigger, hold the camera above your chest for ultimate attention. Next, try buying things which you can’t afford, louboutins and no gas, Michael kors and no electricity, I’d go as far as to say that brand new Audi TT and no petrol money to put in, team P.A.M.I (petrol’s a major issue). Let’s be real you may not be able to use these things but they make very attractive photos. Rocking your red bottoms on the 3rd floor of bruk down shitty estate in the social housing slum of all slums, rocking your Michael Kors watch although you have nowhere to be at no specific given time, no job, no education, driving your Audi around a roundabout several times because you have no destination but want people to notice you. This is life. Have fun going on forced dates so that you can take pictures of the food you ordered while fine dining, behaving like an escort in order to portray that you have money. You go girl!
Males, for you it’s easy. The main goal is to secure potential sexual partners alongside letting everyone know you have money, typical desires of the guy who in real life has neither game nor money. Firstly, borrow your older brother or cousin’s car rental and pose alongside it with a few of your friends, make sure you get one of yourself in the driver’s seat driving nowhere, engine off, safety first. Flashy jewellery is a must, don’t forget to do the classic pinky ring and Rolex on, while clutching the gear stick. To make sure the females are lured in attend the gym everyday of the week. Muscles bring it home. If the body’s right and the money’s right your attracting both males and females to your insta profile. These are a lot of women’s prospects when looking for a potential partner in this day and age, not much variety, and men like to compete whilst also admiring (no homo, actually yes maybe homo, y’all’s gym pics are turning nasty, #CreepMode, leg prop up like females while wearing briefs, men’s knickers for those who don’t know, is the guy who is taking the pic comfortable with this?)