So, I’m sitting on the balcony of my hotel room in Barcelona. Breathing in the hot air with its distinctive humid smell. Squinting to observe the landscape as I stupidly forgot my raybans. My rum and lemonade on one side, which my fave bar man has given more rum in ratio to lemonade, mum is convinced he fancies me, and my cocktail on the other. My mind now resembles the sky I am under, clear, no fog, no haze and no rain.
Yet my phone still buzzes, the sound as annoying as some of the messages I am receiving.
Flashbacks to my holiday just two months ago in Dubai, I still vow that it was the best holiday of my life which ironically led to the greatest depression of my life. Why? It was the realisation of the fact that I am not living, not enjoying my life as I should be, in the build up to my quarter of a century earth day. I came back and decided it was time to take control of my life which meant changes.
Those changes were people.
Not everyone and everybody you associate with is good for you and why it took me so many years and endurance of suffering to wake up and smell the coffee is beyond me. Some people feed off of others energy. Not to blow my own horn or anything but I feel as though the energy I give off is positive. That’s not to say that I’m not going through anything dark at that specific moment in time but I am a person who believes that my burdens are better off on my shoulders than anyone else’s and I believe this view stems from what I have experienced as everyone’s agony aunt. The tears I’ve wiped, the reassurance I’ve given, the horror stories I now know which I have been fortunate enough to have not embarked. None mine. I know what it is to bare the stress of another and carry it with you when you yourself have no struggles of the sort. To feel someone else’s pain.
Liss are you saying we should not help those in need? Ha, my harsh but caring nature would never allow for that but now I’m learning to separate and categorise. There are those who fate decides to burn with no warning, an example being death. Then there are those who choose to be burned, over, over, over and over again. Putting themselves in the same situation as only a week before knowing the consequences and then want to ring your phone to cry on your shoulder. Wait, what? More fool me for listening and trying to reason. Babe you just went through this why does this feel like de ja vu.
The joke is those who are guilty are the same ones who would tell you that I’ve changed, in my behavior, in my stature. I’m ignoring them, I’m cold with them. Bitch I’m drained! I’m tired.
As I stated before I am very private in regards to my emotions. It is something I am learning to deal with as it is both a blessing and a curse. The same “changes” who have relied on me will fall short when asked what they know of me and what I have been through. If you feel offended by this post take a minute and ask yourself what do I know about Ms Lissa? Is she going through something? Is she ok? You haven’t got a clue have you?
I can’t be your Jeremy Kyle any longer.
I needed this harsh wake up call. 25 is screaming focus. If not now when?
Don’t take it to heart people I’m reaching out to those who are not happy with themselves and need to realize that the change needs to happen within themselves. You can’t change anyone and you can’t alter their minds to philosophise as your does…