This topic arose after a friend and I were having a late night conversation and realised that there was a category of examples, of what I decided to title, friends by force (can arguably be referred to as beg friends).
A friend by force.
These usually tend to be the friends who you are associated with by default. When I say default I am referring to the way the relationship began. If it is not a friendship you particularly chose but one that you acquired, i.e; partner’s friends, a friend of a friend, work friend, partner or friends relative, then it is a default relationship. This is not to take any credibility from default relationships as they can become substantial friends. Friends by force surface from this group which is probably why people feel as though the friendship was forced upon them as it was never what the person particularly desired. This is not to say all default friends are forcible.
Upon meeting someone through someone else, the only thing you have in common up until that meeting is your mutual person of interest. Until you get to know that person on a personal level, if you do decide to, they will always be viewed as that extended branch, that you’re only aware of due to your person in common. Do not get me wrong, your walls that you have built as a defence mechanism as you have got older, may lower a bit when meeting a friend by default as you trust the source they are coming from but all in all this is a new person being introduced into your life.
Where’s the force? Have you ever had a friend by default who is coming on too strong? Who has built a stable relationship with you in your absence? Who forgot to tell you that you’ve entered a contract with them when you were introduced to them?
I think I’ve figured out a repetitive pattern for these friends by force. When you look at their own group of friends, or lack there of, you can see that they have no foundation. They are unable to build multiple long term friendships which do not fall apart. This could be due to their attitude, their behaviour, etc. I also think this category tends to be introvert. Unintentionally self centred. Although they believe they are the best friend that could be had and wouldn’t understand why anyone would doubt them.
These type of friends have no solid foundation so they enter every new relationship hoping to build what they never had. Sometimes it can even go as far as them changing their persona to maintain a friendship by force, doing things they don’t enjoy just to be involved. Getting emotional when they are not involved or haven’t been given the chance to be involved. Expecting to be invited to their “new friend’s” lifes milestones like birthday celebrations. What they don’t realise is it puts the mutual person of interest in an awkward place.
You cannot generate emotions and opinions by force. These are beyond our control. If someone gets along with you it is due to compatibility not the fact that you are the best friend anyone could have. If that person ends up disliking you it’s not a big issue you cannot please everyone. The next step is not to attempt to convince that person that you are likable. That’s crazy.
Another common trait is that these friends by force tend to cling to those who they feel have a great reputation as a friend. Whether they have concluded this from the persons popularity, or gaged it from their social networking I am unsure.
The biggest problem that I have observed from these scenarios is what it does to the relationship between the mutual person of interest and the friend by force. The mutual person can feel hard done by as their supposed friend is willing to put more energy into someone they have just met rather than the person they’ve known for how long. It is also embarrassing when they are in the middle of unrequited friendship, having to defend their friendship with their friend by force when also discovering they started as friends by default also.
It’s not by force! My friends are not your friends just because you met them. That’s intense. Also babe, friends and associates are different so calm it kermit. We just associated.