When seeing someone do you request a CRB (Criminal Records Bureau) check? Not literally but your own form of research into that persons history. Gathered from mutual sources.
This has arisen because recently I was approached by someone who shares a mutual friend with me. As they began to “flanter” (flirtatious banter) they asked questions, which I could only imagine, they thought would give them great insight into who I am.
This confused me as I wondered why he had not asked some of these questions before. Obviously he would not have been able to ask me any sooner but the knowledge of our mutual friend meant I believed he had an upper hand in the situation. I assumed that anything which he deemed important he would have investigated previous to entertaining me. My theory seemed more plausible when upon introducing himself to me he let it be known we had a mutual friend.
I was quickly perplexed when he then went on to question my relationship with the mutual friend. HUH? I am quite straight forward and felt no way to ask, have you not run a CRB check on me? Are you telling me you have not delved into our mutual friends knowledge of myself? You have not asked for any crucial information which could lead to you no longer desiring me?
I firmly believe in requesting a CRB (Cocky Reference Bureau) AKA a background check. I understand that judging someone on their past is heinous but I think any situation that you can walk into prepared, you should! As I’ve stated on my blog before, the first stage of getting to know someone could turn out to be a twisted portrayal of the person in question. First dates, first conversation, people are guarded. We want to give off a good first impression so we will be on our best behaviour. Kind of like a job interview. We try to present that we are the best employee. We hide all of our bad traits. Promise that we can undergo any work that comes our way.
I know the opposers will scream “if you go searching you will find” but hey I’d rather find out sooner than later. I don’t want to enter any kind of relationship and then encounter some horrific historical record which I could have discovered previous.
Look, I am not saying to take it too far, searching for signs which are not apparent at first sight; for example, zooming into pictures to find female/male items in the room to indicate whether they are seeing anyone else or not. I am not encouraging people to be aggressive with their research. Just a simple few questions to someone who knows them. This does not even have to impact your opinion but it is better to be heard. Also it is easier for someone outside of the relationship/situationship to see whether it is compatible before it has even begun, due to their knowing you both. It doesn’t even have to relate to sexual history it could be about their present love life, children, etc. I know there are, and have fallen victim to, people who like to voice their opinion as fact so it is a cautious method to rely on solely. Your reaction and decision is on you.
I’m not a hypocrite I’ve been in the middle of two mutual friends seeing one another and was honest with both. Told them I am giving the information as I did not want to be accountable for not warning anyone before it all went Pete Tong. Further to giving the information I didn’t want to be involved any further as the decision was then on them and nothing to do with me.