12:40 am and my eyes are fighting
Eyelids are refused closing
My frustration caused by the past
Who has now become present
Tormenting my attachment to the future
Just as I clear my mind
It is sucked into a vortex of unanswered questions
Seeking closure all over again
Confusion settles comfortably in its old seat
Back to haunt my progress
Back to clutter my flight
I try to close my eyes but they are reluctant
They no longer trust my judgement
How can they when all it takes is a glimpse of the past
To confuse my heart
The emotions which I had separated
Now swarming back with no warnings
Not love, not hate, but genuine care
That craving to nurture
That has held me back in my present
Hindered my idea of a working relationship
Eyes wide shut
I enter the nightdream
Submerge myself into my lonesome universe
We allow past situations and people to cloud our present.
We are fine when they are out of mind out of sight.
The moment they present themselves we are taken back to the original smells, the original touch, the original sight, etc.
It is this, the reminiscent five senses, which causes us to cling on to the haze.
We like to use our history as an excuse as to why we should endure scenarios we are struggling to cope with.
Old relationships which are failing, survive because both partners are stuck in the hopes of the honeymoon period reappearing.
Hopes of historical feeling.
Allowing something which is not present to shape our futures.