As of recent an ex has helped me to analyse and understand why we encountered problems. Further to that we realised that we would never work as a couple.
First we broke down our traits. I have an inability to communicate my emotions. I think this throws guys off. My ex made it clear that he was not aware that he’d ever hurt me. At first I was defensive because I’d been hurt by him time and time again but as we went back over the events it made sense. I’ve always viewed emotions to be a sign of weakness or vulnerability so I am reluctant to express them. Whenever I felt hurt by my ex I would discontinue talking to him. I felt no need to give him an explanation or show him what he’d done. I honestly believe this is a result of being Daddy’s tomboy, like father like son (I was the first child so I became the boy he wanted). Seeing how my father, our male family members and his male friends, reacted to emotional women made me never want to be that. I didn’t want to be that nagging woman that they were all complaining about.
This was counteracted by his belief of what a loving women is meant to do. The households he had viewed whilst growing up consisted of a calm male who occasionally messes up with a fiery aggressive woman nagging. This was the norm, this is exactly what I had seen also, we are both of Caribbean decent and wondered whether this was a major part of our ideals. The women took control while the men sat back. That was love. That was how it was supposed to be, so to see me acting in the opposite way meant I didn’t have that love. The love that had made every other woman passionate about their man.
Now I never boast of the help I have given or how much I have done for anyone person. I expect people to just know. I expect people to see when I’ll go over and beyond for them. This explains why I end up turning on people and their feeling of it being a spontaneous combustion. I allow people to drain my energy and then I blow up when it gets low. This relates again, to my inability to express how I feel. Everything gets bottled up.
What I realised was that I do not fill in the traditional role of a girlfriend. I may cook, I may clean, I have even been referred to as ride or die repeatedly, but my lack of communication confuses the relationship roles. It is theorised that women love harder and more. Society has made it so that men enter a relationship expecting that his woman will be overwhelming with her love. So much so that she will argue, go through your phone, hack your social networking, travel to you at early hours of the morning crying. If he doesn’t see the passion then it is not real. If she’s not acting crazy over him then it is not real.
This also kind of explains why a lot of guys, no matter how much they complain, are drawn to women who they deem to be crazy. It is the norm. It means she loves you enough to behave irrationally. It may be annoying but at least her love is real. A girl who does not display her affection in this way can be mistaken to not be in love.
Basically, females, do not stop nagging lol you’re winning. I’m struggling. We are afraid of anything which society has not titled as normal and society has definitely not described me as the norm.