If I am lying shoot me down. (Wastemen are exempt due to their mannerisms lasting a lifetime.)
Females, I know you can relate. We automatically place men in categories upon meeting them to help us make decisions about the “ship”, (relationship, friendship, etc,) we want to take up with that particular male, if we want one at all. This is not only restricted to the 20 somethings as I know this can drag into your 30s.
1. The Roadman. He can’t wait to tell you about his Porsche Cayenne parked outside. Shortly followed by how much money he makes. You look at his loud, colourful, ugly, printed designer shirt. He starts demonstrating how easy he finds it to part with his money, as though he has something to prove. Offers you expensive gifting or dates. Always has to let you know that he can change your life. You should feel special in his presence, smile and gawk as he strokes his own ego.
2. The Entrepreneur. This is the self confessed, self made man. The majority like to stay clothed in tailored suits or smart attire, to prove the level at which their success is. They say dress how you would desire to be addressed. The no sock, tie wearing ambitious man. Whenever he explains the career path he has chosen, he has to over compensate to avoid your judgement. I mean, how else can he separate himself from the other men who chose to eradicate 9-5’s and horrible bosses from their lives? His being “unemployed” is part of a well sought out plan. Believe me, please!
3. The Socialite. Mr I know everyone. You can’t have a conversation with him without being interrupted by his social companions or fans. Dating a guy has never been this difficult. Quiet or private is a non existent word as no matter where you go you can’t escape his fame. He becomes your personal go-to when you and your friends are seeking a good night out. And let’s not forget the photo you took with him, the comments bombarded with questions about how you know the whole world’s mutual friend.
4. The Rapper. Remember being in school and every guy thought he had an undeniable talent, a little under/over a decade ago. He could rap. Due to this, it’s hard to take him seriously when he’s decided to introduce himself as a rapper. Is this a hobby? Has this proven to be a source of income? Is he actually any good, we’re fed up of rappers who cannot pronounce words and use what little talent they have to remix nursery rhymes. We don’t need anymore.
5. The Disc Jockey. The guy who’s accustomed to having females show interest in him. Part and parcel of being a member of the DJ social elite group. Offers you free tickets to events which he is playing at, expect to be joined by Elisha and Becky, his baby-mum and his girlfriend, when you attend.
6. The Semi-Pro Footballer. Just the legal version of a road man. Flashy. Boasts. Probably has left his WAG at home whilst he is busy telling you about who he plays for and that you should Google him. It’s hard to ignore his arrogance as your eyes skim over his receding hairline. They often like to dress as if they are fashion models, the plastic looking Vivienne Westwood loafers with a suede blazer. You know you’ve met him.
7. The 9-5ers. The teachers. The call centre workers. The phone shop sales assistants. Those who are trying to prove that they are trying to make something of their lives, even if they’re stuck in a dead end job they don’t enjoy. He keeps the dating motives simple; cinema, reasonably priced restaurant. He drives his 3rd hand car with pride because he worked for it. Seems to be the most humble as he is not yet at the point he wants to be. He is still trying to progress and better himself, or so he says so he doesn’t seem stagnant. What a time to be alive.