How To Know That You Are An Undateable

Spoiler alert; You’re a shit date.

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1. You don’t like to socialise.  You are a self proclaimed recluse.  You like your own space and privacy.  As you’ve aged you’ve realised that anyone that you care for can hurt you, so you’ve nipped the vulnerability in the bud by sticking between your four walls.  You’ve been sitting at home watching shitty television, whilst eating your way into obesity, instead of shaking a leg and exercising those quads and calves.  Of course partying is not for everyone babes, but neither is a fat, unhealthy, boring and guarded potential partner, you’re beginning to resemble Heather and Minty from Eastenders  (remember them?)  Do you! You like to read? Regularly visit the library.  You like nature? Occasionally visit the park.  Give yourself the chance to meet someone new, better yet in a place that you love.

2. You’ve already convinced yourself that you will never find love.  Law of attraction.  No you won’t. Don’t get mad at me I’m just agreeing.  You’re not lovable, you know why? Because you don’t want to bloody be loved.  You’ve fucked yourself over and let me tell you why.  You are now so hell bent on denying yourself of love that you subconsciously, only ever pay any mind to members of the opposite sex, who you cannot see yourself ever falling for.  You don’t believe me?  Look at the last fool you were dealing with and how far you thought the fling would go originally?  That’s right.

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3. Self doubt.  You cannot be loved.  In the time that you have been single you have slowly come to realise the issues that you have.  The problems you have never dealt with.  The psychological mind fucking that has happened to you in the past, has only caught up with you now that you are alone, and left to your own devices.  You begin acknowledging that you played a part in your last break up, whether you were; the enabler, the forgiver, the cheater, the victim, the aggressor, the emotionless or even the emotional.  Is there even anyone who can handle your qualities because the last person couldn’t.  The last person is not everyone and you are not qualified to be your own therapist.  Get out of your head and remember that love does not see flaws.

4. You’re a stubborn single.  You don’t remember how to compromise.  The longer the stay in Singledom, the harder it is to contemplate doing or behaving differently to accommodate another person.   To go from, not having to answer to anyone, to then having to consider another person and how they feel is difficult.  Love is compromise, so stubbornness will not suffice.  If you allow yourself to care for another you will want to do everything to make sure that they do not feel uncomfortable.  You will voluntarily sacrifice things you deemed important when single, in order for your partner to see that you are truly willing to put them first.

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5. You’re just awkward.  You’ve been single for so long that you feel out of place when conversing with the opposite sex.  You’re unsure of how to flirt.  You’re unsure as to whether they are flirting with you.  The longer you stay secluded from the opposite sex the more difficult you’ll find it to communicate with them. 

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6. Casual sex will do. Females this applies to you too as it is now becoming more socially acceptable for women to request the ‘D’ without any emotional ties.  A lot of people who fear dating, convince themselves that they only want to participate in social hangouts with a f*ck buddy.  By pretending that you don’t want to date it saves face when you are not offered one.  Using this method changes the perception the opposite sex have of you.  Why date someone who is trying to make it very clear that they don’t want to date?  Why gift and treat a person if all they require is sex?  You will only receive what you are asking for, do not expect someone to go over and beyond, especially if they don’t believe that you will appreciate it.  So for now you’re just good for sex like it says on the tin.

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