Is it an ex or a failed date? (Situationships)

​We all have different ideas of the titles we should place on any situation.  The title you decide upon is a reflection of your own life’s perception.  

I’ve had a lot of debates recently, stemming from this topic.  I think the first point to touch on is the thought that another person views relationships in the same manner that you do.  This is so far from the truth and can easily cause misunderstanding.  This is why communication is key when you begin to pursue a potential partner, or vice versa.  Both parties should be on the same page.  An initial conversation in which both had it made it clear.  “This is what I want from this and this is how I would go about making it happen”, as opposed to, “I’m just here for the sake of being here, we can have a lovely situationship due to my shyness, preventing me from telling you what I truly want.”  Situationships are the result of both parties being unsure of where they stand.  If you want a serious long term relationship, maybe even marriage and 2.5children, then surely finding someone with the same dreams should be a goal.

A big factor of situationships, most times, is that there is someone involved who feels that their job is to change their potential partners mind.  Women, especially, are known for their focus on trying to change a man or his behaviour.  It’s a common practice, which always backfires as any change is by force and will cause resentment.  A lot of the time people are willing to pretend that they don’t want something serious, in order to keep someone around.  If they can manage to keep their special someone around, they will eventually try to alter that persons mind and desires.  In plain terms they are trying to manipulate their love interest into wanting to be with them. 

So I’ve cleared up miscommunication.  Perspective is a major part.  What I deem to be a relationship may be deemed as dating to another.  There are some people whom do not need to necessarily hear confirmation that they are in a relationship to conclude it as such.  They may measure by using other methods such as; the first sexual encounter, etc.  I personally have met people who have described the first meeting with a potential partner as them being together, or them bumping into the person in public as ‘when we began dating’.  The problem here is that some people abuse this.  There are people who will enjoy the benefits of another’s perception.  He treats me like his girlfriend, does for me what a man should do, we do relationship activities, I’ve met his whole family, but… He’s not my man, I don’t want him to be my man, he can play this position until I find a man.  That girl would die for me, if I ever need anything she’s there for me, my ride or die, but… she ain’t my girlfriend, nah never that, she can play her position.  Some of you may laugh but this is real.  This is not to say that those that are guilty of abuse, do not specify that they do not want a relationship, but do your words and actions match up?  

Another factor is time.  Everyone is racing to reach the finish line which is partly why titles are thrown around so loosely.  Some people just want to seal the deal.  There should be an importance on figuring out if your partner is on the same page as you, this is how you deem your compatibility.  Without using this method it is easy to give someone an undeserving title.  Upon first meeting you should be cautious to throw out a title as you don’t really know who this person is.  A friend, who I discussed this topic with, said they understand the process of getting to know one another, dating, but didn’t like the idea of not knowing if the relationship is progressing.  The question poised was ‘how long is too long for the dating process?’.  I get it, I’ve already stated that some people abuse it, therefore you could find yourself dating someone, you want to be official with, who is dragging it out just to prevent themselves from being lonely, until their next prey comes around. To me the answer is easy.  The point at which you realise you’re both not on the same page. That’s when you should exit.  If you are ready to make it official and the other person involved is not, then go, you are only wasting your time not theirs.  They are not ready, you are!

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