If you would sleep with your friend, are they really your friend?

Trying to decipher the confusion that arises with friends with benefits or those who do not want to be in the friend zone.

This article was highly anticipated due to the blurred lines which occur within friendships. Friendships in which intimacy is contemplated or acted upon. It is a general consensus that sex complicates a lot of things and it seems that a lot of people believe friendship to be a victim of this. So can you fuck and be friends?

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1. Should you not be best friends with your partner? I understand that the ideal situation is that your future or present other half should be your bestie. A person that you can talk to about anything, who you can live your best life with, who you can laugh with until your stomach hurts. The intimacy and romance should act as a bonus. Well, the reality is most people are not dating their best friend due to not really getting to know the person on that level before entering a full blown relationship/situationship. This tends to be the reason you hear people saying they didn’t know their partner when their partner does them wrong. “I can’t believe she did that, I didn’t know the girl man.” If this is the case then it is understandable why many would not consider their partner to be their friend or why they don’t believe a relationship should develop from a friendship.

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2. When you fucked your friend it went tits up. So you had a friend that you thought you could cross the line with and everything would be fine. But it wasn’t. The dynamic changed almost instantaneously. There can be a number of reasons as to why this could happen. You were not really friends in the first place. The intimacy shared may not have been an innocent slip up for both parties as one of the parties may have been plotting from the start. You were not really friends in the first place. You can’t communicate how you truly feel about having sex with your friend which is a convo that you should be able to approach with someone who is truly a friend. You were not really friends in the first place. Shits just awkward now. Someone is in their feelings, the masses would assume it to be the female but men be letting their hormones dictate their foolishness to. He wants to be upset because she is ok with just doing friends with benefits but his ego needs her to want more from him, even if he isn’t willing to give it.

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3. Your friend doesn’t want to be in the friendzone. Fuck a friendzone, especially if a person has been relegated from a position of potential partner. This person is always going to have an ulterior motive as they never wanted to play this role, ever. This is the friend that will tell you what you want to hear and behave in a manner which they feel will impress you. You won’t see the real them as they are busy attempting to be your #WCW or #MCM. The guy telling you that you are far more better than these men you are wasting your time on and how he would treat you if it were him in their shoes. The female who can’t see you without make up and her tightest pair of jeans on, the one who hates all the girls you date and would never try to build a relationship with them. Basically, the friend who does not see you as their friend is not your friend.

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4. Sex is for relationships right? We often link sex to courting. Sex is equal to dating. Sex is equal to catching feelings and emotions. Sex is equal to creating mini human beings. Sex is equal to one night stands? Sex is equal to sexual complexes? The intimacy involved in sex does not always mean an emotional connection. People can have sex with those they are not even attracted to so would it be impossible for two friends to engage in sexual behaviours whilst not having any intimate feeling towards one another?

5. Sex ruins friendships. A lot of people are afraid of having sex with their friend due to the risk of ruining the friendship. In these cases it seems as though the friendship outweighs the primal need to have sexual relations. This seems to be the biggest influence on whether friends can fuck or not. The importance of the friendship and whether it outweighs sexual urges, especially when there is no desire for a full on relationship with that friend. Who wants to ruin a substantial companionship to literally buss a nut? This has people tallying whether the value of their friendship is extensive enough to stay as just that. It’s the same reason that you feel as though your friends should not date an ex, the friendship should outweigh their need for dick or pum.

I believe that in an ideal world we are meant to pair with a person that we consider a best friend. Life would be a lot easier if we could settle and have children with the same person we can have fun with and be vulnerable with. I feel that society has altered the way we view companionship and orders it to be a strictly intimate relationship. There’s no emphasis on getting to know each other in the way that you know your best friend. I trust my closest friend to be loyal to me, but stereotypically I am conditioned to believe that any male I partner with should not automatically be trusted in terms of loyalty. I have separated the two. If my closest friend shows any disloyalty I will claim that they are not my friend and our friendship was false, if my partner shows any disloyalty I am more willing to accept their actions as it was expected, which may mean I will stay in the relationship as opposed to that of my closest friend (hypothetically speaking because I believe I would run their Clart if we have made an agreement but he wants to break it.)

In regards to the cases where somebody is camping out in the friend zone in the hopes that they can catch that release as soon as it drops, they are not your friend. They never entered a relationship with you with the intentions of being a friend. Their behaviours and demeanours will forever be tailored to suit their desire, of one day, becoming more intimate. Unfortunately this, more than likely, will prevent you getting to know this person on a true level. Will they openly tell you about their past relationships and the wrongs they committed? Will they tell you how they would’ve treated you in a scenario when they are condemning the person you are seeing? Will they be the real them or a manufactured version of themselves built to impress whomever they desire? I can appear to be the perfect partner to a male who I am not in a relationship with, easy peasy. I just have to tell him what he wants to hear but once in the relationship it’s harder to hide my flaws, or even traits, that they cannot stand.

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In this day and age I feel as though people no longer want that close friendship with their partner. We are in an age of imagery so majority of people are chasing the perfect image of a partner, that trophy. I know men that are unhappy (look at Kanyes face LOL) at home until the point that they don’t want to go home on a daily basis, but they will forever stay with that person because they suit their image. The good girl at home who looks after their children and is not out trying to party. The girl that turns every mans head when he walks with her. The girl that cooks and cleans and looks after the rest of his mandem. The trophy. Yet with all these factors he still doesn’t want to be around her, he doesn’t know how to engage with her and he’s realised they don’t really have anything in common except that they are in a relationship together. To conclude there are a lot of wolves in sheep’s clothing pretending to be a friend when in fact they have only their best interests at heart They’re not really your friend, oh and you may not be attracted to any of your friends but that’s a whole different board-game.

Also I would advise that if you want to have a casual fuck you should never choose to do it with a true friend. There are way too many emotions involved, yes there are emotions involved in friendship. The friendship will be ruined once you discover you don’t need that itch scratched by them anymore. How do you then differentiate between them playing the role of your friend as opposed to the role of your friend with benefits. As stated before in point 5 of this article, ‘the friendship should outweigh their need for dick or pum.’ You can buss a nut with anyone in the world so why risk it for a biscuit?

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